The Smitherman Secret Documents

My secret informant at Queens Park, aka: Deep Nose has discovered that Health Care Reform has been delayed due to the administration's effort to simplify medical terminology into standard English. The following is a partial list of the translations:

• Artery: Study of paintings.
• Bacteria: Rear door to the cafeteria
• Barium: What to do when the patient dies.
• Bowel: A,E,I,O,U (and sometimes) Y
• Caesarean Section: Roman neighborhood
• Cat Scan: Looking for a cat.
• Cauterize: Tie making eye contact with Belinda.
• Colic: Kind of a dog.
• Coma: Punctuation mark.
• Dilate: Lived a real long time.
• Enema: Not your friend.
• Fester: Quicker.
• Fibula: A small lie.
• Genital: Not Jewish.
• G.I. Series: Army baseball game.
• Hangnail: Coat hook.
• Impotent: Really valuable.
• Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work.
• Morbid: A bigger offer.
• Nitrates: Opposite of day rates.
• Node: Became aware of.
• Outpatient: Guy who fainted.
• Pelvis: Elvis' cousin.
• Post-operative: Mailman.
• Recovery room: Where they do upholstery.
• Rectum: Darn near killed him.
• Secretion: Hiding someplace.
• Seizure: Roman emperor.
• Tablet: Small table.
• Terminal illness: Got sick at the bus station.
• Tumor: Adding a couple more.
• Urine: Opposite of you're out.
• Varicose: Right next to you.
• Vein: Metal chicken on top of your barn

Thanks Deep Nose ... keep sniffing around!