Memo to: Belinda Stronach

Bedfellows make strange politics!

Your media response regarding "a double standard" existing when a man is caught with his shorts down vs when a women is caught with her knickers down was so predictable ... let's try to diffuse the situation by introducing another issue to divert attention from the original issue.

At least you practise what you preach B.S, in that your response to your tryst with the Tiemaster was not a "double standard" response. You did what everybody else would do, male and female alike, and that is to build a bridge where there is no river!

The Smitherman Secret Documents

My secret informant at Queens Park, aka: Deep Nose has discovered that Health Care Reform has been delayed due to the administration's effort to simplify medical terminology into standard English. The following is a partial list of the translations:

• Artery: Study of paintings.
• Bacteria: Rear door to the cafeteria
• Barium: What to do when the patient dies.
• Bowel: A,E,I,O,U (and sometimes) Y
• Caesarean Section: Roman neighborhood
• Cat Scan: Looking for a cat.
• Cauterize: Tie making eye contact with Belinda.
• Colic: Kind of a dog.
• Coma: Punctuation mark.
• Dilate: Lived a real long time.
• Enema: Not your friend.
• Fester: Quicker.
• Fibula: A small lie.
• Genital: Not Jewish.
• G.I. Series: Army baseball game.
• Hangnail: Coat hook.
• Impotent: Really valuable.
• Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work.
• Morbid: A bigger offer.
• Nitrates: Opposite of day rates.
• Node: Became aware of.
• Outpatient: Guy who fainted.
• Pelvis: Elvis' cousin.
• Post-operative: Mailman.
• Recovery room: Where they do upholstery.
• Rectum: Darn near killed him.
• Secretion: Hiding someplace.
• Seizure: Roman emperor.
• Tablet: Small table.
• Terminal illness: Got sick at the bus station.
• Tumor: Adding a couple more.
• Urine: Opposite of you're out.
• Varicose: Right next to you.
• Vein: Metal chicken on top of your barn

Thanks Deep Nose ... keep sniffing around!