Ding Dong Bell Canada Is At It Again!

For those of you who are Bell Canada customers, you may have spotted Bell's small notice, in an almost 0 point font, printed on the back of of your phone bill last month.

The notice would have told you that last month, Bell asked the CRTC for permission to eliminate the $55 hookup fee and raise the rates for ALL residential customers by 80 cents a month.

Jacqueline Michelis, Bell's talking head, said that "this will bring us into line with other local service providers who do not apply one-time charges for such activities." ... hmmm quelle surprise. Bell goes on to say that another benefit is that it will keep local phone service affordable for those with lower incomes - students, young people, the elderly, the socially disadvantaged - who tend to move more often. Holy I give a damn batman, Bell has suddenly developed a social conscience! Of course it was those darn CRTC guys in Ottawa that wouldn't allow them to give a break to these folks all along.

Bell insists that this isn't a cash grab ... of course ... but rather that the higher monthly rate is intended to off-set the one-time service connection charge - not to raise additional revenue. Michelis said, with a straight face I presume, "there is no incremental revenue with this proposal."

Let's do the math. Bell has 7.8 million residential lines. This means an increase of 80 cents generates $6.2 million in monthly revenue. Let's say that 1% of residential customers - or 76,000 move each month. The current $55 service connection charge generates a monthly revenue of $4.2 million a month. The net result is a $2 million surplus. Damn Ms. Michelis you're absolutely correct. This is not a cash grab because there is no incremental revenue generated. And of course now you won't have to ask a technician to reconnect service. How stupid of me as a consumer. I must be 6 french fries short of a happy meal!

By the way, why am I paying $55 to connect in the first place? Don't you just throw a switch or reinsert a card at the local central office, or am I missing something? My wife seems to think that it has something to do with someone being stuck in a barrel. I don't pay much attention to her in these matters ... the woman is a right-wing conspiracy theorist.

Oh, by the way ... why is it that under this new proposal, those folks who have been disconnected for non-payment will still pay $55 for reconnection. Ooooops, here goes the wife again. She says, hey schmuck .... how else could they go the CRTC next year for a 40 cent increase so that Bell can help the economically challenged? My neighbour, Rango Tang another one of those crazy conspiracy wing-nuts thinks that this may have something to do with paying down the debt-load quicker for the recent purchase of the CHUM empire. Please......!

Talk about bellying-up to the trough, Telus Inc., the dominant local provider in western Canada wants to follow in Bell's shoes. This means a rate increase is on hold while the CRTC awaits an application by Telus.

Let me put this as politely as I possibly can. If I want a certain orifice on my body invaded, it will be by my proctoligist and not by Bell. I am sick and tired of Bell and its nonsense, and I won't take it anymore! Yes I know ... I ripped the line from a movie. Going through another one of my senior moments, or as my son says ... a sometimer.

Folks there is still time. If you are like-minded, I would suugest that you contact your local MP. In the 416 and 905 regions it will be a Liberal. This will give you the opportunity to determine for yourself whether or not any lessons have been learned or whether they still don't give a flying fadoo about the citizens of Canada. Then I would strongly urge you to contact the CRTC at www.crtc.gc.ca and let your voice be heard.

It's time to take the clanger out of the Bell ..... continued silence would be deeply appreciated!

Memo to: Duncan Brown, CEO OLGC ... sorry ... CEO OLG

Let me understand this ... your advertising agency, Bensimon Byrne was paid $38,000/month from April 1/2001 to March 31/2004 ... correct?

You have just signed a new contract with your AD-LIB agency, but now for the paltry sum of $78,000/mth ... a slight increase of $40,000/mth ... with, as you put it ... "similar work expectations." Is that correct?

Duhhhhhhh. Hmmmmmm. Got it.

Excuse me Justice Gomery. Got a minute?

Memo to: Dah lton McGuinty and Duncan Brown

So let me understand you cowboys ... Mr Brown, as Chief Executive of what used to be the OLGC, you have decided to spend with Dah lton's blessing, $6,000,000.00 of our money to rebrand this cash cow.

As I understand your rationale is .... "this is about creating a brand that will represent trust, integrity and effective gaming operations." Do I understand you correctly?

Duuuuuuh. Hmmmmmm. Okay!

RIGHT ON Dunc baby! You're absolutely correct!!! Every time I saw the OLGC brand I knew you were untrustworthy, lacked integrity, and that you were totally ineffective. That's why people in the province never purchased your lottery tickets.

PS: I own a graphic arts company. Can we talk???

PPS: Is it true that OLGC originaly meant: Ontario Liberal Garbage Continues?

Memo to the 3 Amigo's

September is finally here and "Oh by gosh by golly ... it's time for Liberal leadership folly!" Just sitting here licking my chops as the games are about to begin.

Quick question ... isn't Liberal and Leadership an oxymoron ... but I digress.

To Kenny Dryden: Blessed are they who have nothing important to say and who cannot be forced to say it.

To The Iggster: Canada is easy to solve while standing on a soapbox.

Quick sidebar: I use to like Harvard beets.

To Bob Rae: Be yourself! Ooops, pardon the bad advice.

As the "Liberal spectacle is about to unfold, I am reminded once again, that the primary difference between an animal and the Liberal Party is, that an animal doesn't keep grabbing for more when it has had enough.

Bring it on gentlemen, hit us with your best shots!

Memo To: Jack Layton

I read, with my usual sense of heightened disinterest, your latest comments regarding the bringing home of Canadian troops from Afghanistan.

It must be difficult to keep quiet when you have nothing to say.

Memo to: Howard Moscoe, TTC Chair

Howard, I sympathize with your dilema of trying to save both of your faces at once.

Memo to: Dalton McGuinty

Dalton, if you think that you think, ask yourself what is the greatest thought you ever thought, then listen to the silence.